As I scroll through Facebook today its obvious its Mother’s day. Post after post of individuals writing about their mother’s, daughters and how special they are, childhood pictures, sharing memories, so much happiness right? Not always..
Mother (Verb:) to care for or protect like a mother; act maternally toward.
A little bit of background: I was raised by my father most of my life (and he did a wonderful job.) I wasn’t blessed with a mother who was caring, loving or even liked her children. My birth mother was and still is a drunk and druggie, who thought putting alcohol and men before her children was more important. I never referred to her as mom, even though I did remain in her life for quite a few years because of my younger sisters, and I always hoped and prayed that my good influence would help her change but it didn’t, and now that my sisters are adults I am glad that I am free from her drama.
But even though she didn’t raise me, I don’t refer to her has mom, and she was a horrible influence she did teach me a few things, now that I am in my 30’s I felt a need to end this chapter in my life and wrote a closure letter to ease my heart.
I looked up the definition of Mother for you. One of them is being a Verb:to care for or protect although you have done neither of those in my lifetime, and you pretty much failed at being a mother, you have taught me a few things.
You taught me how horrible alcohol and drugs are. You have spent your whole life putting those 2 things first, before your children, your health, everything. I’ve seen it destroy you. (And now its destroying B.) But I was lucky because of you, I learned to stay away from drugs/alcohol.
You also taught me to be a stronger person. My whole life you put me down to build yourself up, you made me feel weak like I couldn’t survive. But I am, and honestly I’m doing so much better now because I have the weight lifted off me from all your negativity.
I learned the importance of family, relationships and friendships. I was there for my sisters! I gave up a lot for them, and I would do anything for them. THAT is what love is. What have you done for them? Besides offer them alcohol and weed? I spent many years trying to form a relationship with you for my sisters sake, and because I hoped you would change. I even convinced myself that as you got older you had to change because that’s part of growing up. But your selfish, always acting like a victim to make others feel sorry for you. I’m glad to be done with that part of my life. I have actual friendships, with people now that don’t involve guilt trips it involves 2 people working equally.
And most importantly, you taught me its ok to not have a Mother. Because I had a great Father who worked extra hard and was always there for me. I am happy with who I turned out to be.
If you are without a mother my heart goes out to you. I also want to send my heart out to all the Mom’s who have babies in Heaven, and all the ladies trying to be Mother’s as I know this day is hard. My only baby is a Heaven baby ❤